My Personal Growth Journey : The Twists and Turns

Introduction:

Hello, I am Grace Amarachukwu Awaeze, a student of History and International Studies at the University of Nigeria. I just joined the Personal growth and Leadership Corner Blog as a contributor and this is my first article. In this article, I would be sharing with you my personal growth journey, the twists, and turns. Let’s get on!

Have you ever taken out time to go through your old pictures? I know you may have once in a while and when you do, there is this wow feeling, right?

When I look at the pictures I took six years ago, I smile to myself wondering how time flies and how I grew so rapidly in little time. I can remember wearing sandals of size 20, now I wear almost twice that size. I don’t even know how that happened.

But, the scenario is totally different when it comes to personal growth. You will know when you are growing and when you are not growing. In Physical growth, you do not really have all the say. Nature does and to some extent, you might not even know when it happens. You will just see the changes happening. But, when it comes to personal growth you have all the say. Unless you decide and make efforts to grow, you won’t grow. You will remain in the same exact position.

My Story

I had big dreams as a typical high flying high school student would. I had my life all planned out. When I look at the plan of what I wrote in 2015 as my vision, I literally laugh at my silly old self for not thinking of how I would improve as a person.

Truth be told, my plan was filled with activities. I had no plans for improving. I just wanted to be the best student in the class. My plan was just so lopsided as a result of my exposure, the company I keep and what I knew at that point in time. I actually missed all the opportunities that could have helped me to grow as a high school student.

At 15, I was still a high school student but I hadn’t heard of communication skills or networking skills. My school had a compulsory Morning assembly. An activity known as Morning information was part of it. A student from each class would stand and address the whole school on any topic. The choice of topic is at the discretion of the students. I stayed for six years in my school but I only gave morning information once. But, being a Human Rights activist was top on the list of the things I wanted to be. I did not even recognize that morning information was one way to achieve eloquence in speech. I didn’t even know that was an opportunity to work on my speaking skills. I was ignorant.

Interpersonal Relationship Skills

My relationship skills were very poor. I did not know how to network. I felt networking was not meant for someone like me because I wasn’t social. I hold grudges and don’t forgive easily. I expect too much from people so when they don’t meet my expectations, I think ill of them. I accommodate people a lot even to my own detriment. I had no standards for relationships.

Once you are serious during classes, we were good to go. I had no personal standards. Even when I did, I usually lowered them to accommodate people. I didn’t have many friends so I wasn’t ready to lose the little ones I had even when our interests and values conflicted.

Employability and Financial Intelligence

 

I was very unemployable by December 2019. In fact, the word employable became real to me when Skill up Nigeria wanted to employ people to work for them. I didn’t have the skills they required. It was a clear signal that I needed to grow. My financial knowledge was zero. I did not know how money worked. 

Baby Steps

I was not growing personally but I made what looked like progress. I was the best in my class. I represented my school in different competitions and we were victorious during my time. Come on, I was a high flying student. What do you expect? I love debates and represented my school in state tournaments and we came back with prizes. I represented my school in essay competitions and we came back with prizes and we didn’t go farther than the third position. At school, I was a champion. As a matter of fact, I was the valedictorian of my class. That’s a huge feat right?

Well, I didn’t build strong relationships with my classmates. I didn’t know I had to but I still regret today why I didn’t. I can’t turn back the hands of the clock but I can change the future.
I continued living my life the way I had always done. My social skills were very weak. I had no clear career path. My spiritual life rose and fell all the time. I didn’t know my purpose. I knew basically nothing outside my academics. Even in academics, I was grooming my research skills. I was usually happy when there were no assignments or soft tasks.
However, the gap between where I was and where I wanted to be widened with time. I was smart but the growth gap was still there. I knew Something was wrong somewhere but I didn’t know what it was.

The change

I didn’t notice all the areas I needed to grow in, in one day. I got to know about some areas as I grew. I began my growth journey when I attended a non-academic conference in 2018 hosted by the Faculty of Arts, University of Nigeria. The keynote speaker was Sam Okonkwo. I gained new information that helped me a lot. I learnt about the Toastmasters International, I learnt about Amazon and self-publishing.

Prior to the conference, I was part of those that did not like taking leadership positions or responsibilities. I saw them as showing off one’s self. My mindset towards Leadership changed during that conference. I learned that I ought to leverage leadership opportunities while in school. I learnt I ought to work on my public speaking. After the conference, I took action.

A student Librarian resigned in Mid 2019, so the position was already vacant. I quickly went for the position. But I still saw position from the angle of what I could gain from it and not how I could serve others with it. With that wrong mindset, I failed woefully. Someone else got it. I was devastated. I hadn’t learnt how to deal with failures.

In July 2019, I attended the Joshua leadership project where I got to know that effective leaders are actually made and not born. My perspective on leadership was corrected and I got to know about self-leadership. Initially, I believed that leadership is about guiding others. I didn’t even know that one had to lead himself or herself.

On 5th September 2019, I attended another conference hosted by the Alumni association of the University of Nigeria Nsukka. I learnt about online schools like edx. I have been using them to augment my studies. It has really been a great help in improving myself. I grew from just being punctual to school lectures to engaging in personal research to know more.

My confusion

In 2020, I felt I wasn’t growing as fast as I should. In fact, I felt I was already late for growth by the time I started. In a bid to move faster and quicker, I signed up for almost every newsletter I came across. I joined many groups both offline and online. It doesn’t matter if it was relevant to my path or not. As far it was free, I was in. I was very impatient with myself. I judged myself from other people’s timetables. In the end, I got so confused and depressed. I was really fed up. So, I reached out to some persons I consider as mentors in my network for advice. They helped out. I was advised to leave the groups that don’t serve me anymore. I did just that and my sanity was restored.

Lessons learnt

One who wants to grow must be able to identify the areas of growth. My inability to identify where I wanted to grow in made me sign up for newsletters and classes which were not relevant to me. I signed up for them because they were free. Instead of growing, I became confused. Thank God, help came to me through people.

I have grown in my relationships. I have young people like myself who are making positive impacts as my friends. We challenge each other to be better in our chosen crafts. I learnt how to forgive and it has helped my relationships a lot. I learnt how to stop assuming. Instead of assuming, I ask questions. I am more self-aware as I write this article than I was five years ago. I learn more about myself almost on a daily basis. I had signed up and joined a training on self-awareness put together by Ifegwu-Mbonu Victor C (Sir Vic)  in May 2020.

In addition, my writing has improved too, and is still improving. I read “Buy the future”, a book written by Mensa Otabil. He talked about roasting one’s talent, which is turning it into marketable skills. The insights I gained from that book have made me think differently and act differently. I am learning how to write professional emails and other kinds of writing.

I have also learnt how to accept negative feedback. I was really devastated when I was not selected as a Librarian. I was ashamed to step into the library. I felt I was a failure. But now, I have learnt to accept failures and feedbacks. I am grateful for them because I see them as a pointer to the exact place I need to work on.

I have learnt how to delegate duties without being lazy. Initially, I loved being the boss because I get to give out orders and tell others what to do while I rested. Sometimes, I won’t delegate any duty to anybody even when I have people I ought to work with. This is usually because I want to get the work done my way. But this hasn’t been effective at all. I didn’t encourage creativity. I always insisted on my way and I found it hard to get others to understand what is on my head. Now, I am more receptive to ideas and I delegate duties when situations call for it.

In personal growth, one does not need the approval of the company to do anything. I love congregational actions. I love doing things in the company. It’s one of the things that limited my growth. Then, I didn’t have enough nerve to say no to the crowd or take a stand. My company dictated my decisions and actions but the story is different now. I had read in a book this year about personal decisions and company. I have learnt to take my stand regardless of what my company wants.

I am my own challenge

In my journey of personal growth, I have encountered one challenge which is myself. Lack of resources is not my problem. My problem is usually myself, my attitudes, my mindset, my perspectives, my ideologies e.t.c. I am learning how to master myself and lead myself effectively. I have not completely gained full mastery of myself but I can say I am on the right track.

Conclusion 

Personal growth is highly intentional. Efforts are deliberate. Personal growth is measurable. I regret not keeping a growth journal or at least a diary. I have forgotten some of the things that helped me to grow. The evidence of the growth is there but I have forgotten some of the catalysts. People, Books, situations, and conferences are instruments of personal growth.

People have been very instrumental to my growth as a person and they will still be. Books and conferences have helped me too and will still help me.

Here is a link to a post on what Personal Growth is and how to develop a Personal Growth Plan for yourself, written by Sir Vic. You can also download this 27-paged easy-to-read ebook on some 27 wisdom notes written by Sir Vic. 

Personal growth is a choice. You can choose to grow or not grow. I chose to grow and I am glad I did. It has not been funny but the results make me forget the sacrifices I paid.

If you have not started the journey of personal growth, you can do that now. It’s not too late to start.